Possessiveness and jealousy are negative characteristics and don’t belong in a healthy relationship.Both traits can be indicative of abusive behaviour, though this doesn’t mean a possessive partner is always an abuser. However, if you are with someone who is possessive or jealous, you won’t have a healthy relationship.
So can you get him to change?
The answer to this question is that he probably won’t change for you. He needs to learn to change for himself.He needs to be able to recognise that the behaviour is destructive in his own life and is something that he needs to learn to correct in order to be a happy, whole and committed person.When someone does try to change their behaviour for another person, it is usually short-lived. They will quickly fall back into old habits, causing a lot of emotional and possibly physical pain to themselves and others.
A possessive and jealous partner rarely changes
Although change isn’t impossible, possessiveness and jealousy build up over time and are often the result of much deeper issues.In order for him to change, he will have to figure out the root cause of the jealousy and why he feels threatened by other people in your life.
Jealousy will lead to fights
If he is always possessive of you, problems are bound to occur. You will eventually get tired of all the questions, accusations, and unfounded comments. You might be able to see that these are all a result of deeper hurt, but until he recognises it himself, he will not change.
Try talking to him about his behaviour
Though this may not prove successful, it may be worth the effort. If he wishes to change, consider seeking professional behavioural counselling. This may help you both get down to the cause of the problem and figure out a solution.However, if he is unwilling to accept that his behaviour is a major issue, you need to consider the sustainability of this relationship. Is it worth the time, energy, and hurt that his behaviour causes?
If he tries to control who you see, how much time you spend with your friends, and even insults your family, you need to evaluate whether the relationship is really worth it.